Well this has been an absolute fucking bullshit nothing waste of 1/52nd of a year!
I had too many vacation days and had to take a week off. I did not want to take a week off! I did not want to take a week off right NOW, which was kind of a particularly shitty time at work to take a week off! But because I’m a big old lily-liver who can’t say no to anyone, ever, I was all, “Oh…gosh, thanks, that’ll be great.” And when I get back to work I’m going to brag to everyone about how awesome this week was, and how I totally did a million things and was very productive and went to museums and tried new and interesting fucking taco trucks and I’m probably going to throw in a quick bus-trip to like DC or Boston or something? And if the people I work with ever find this blog, YES, I lied to you about how much I would have rather BEEN AT WORK; feel free to fire me at your leisure.
But here is what actually happened this week while I was on vacation:
I learned there were 52 weeks in a year, not 54, after googling it real quick just to make sure.
Okay, that was useful.
I went to work.
Last Friday, I worked until like 11pm to try to prepare for this week off at this terrible time. I failed, so I also just sort of worked a regular full day from home on Sunday and also Monday, and like a very angry, bitter half-day on Tuesday, and then angrily gave up and decided not to do fucking anything for the rest of the week, like as some sort of petulant toddler-esque punishment? I’m sure they all feel very bad about themselves now because of that.
CJ got a haircut.
It’s very nice.
Jed got a new secretary.
It’s Lily Tomlin.
Chris had a birthday.
I helped him celebrate by almost forgetting about it, figuring it out at the last minute, and then not doing anything for him.
Charlie’s little sister went off to college, and then he took over for the “Big Brothers, Big Sisters” little brother of the Secret Service agent guy who was guarding CJ but then got shot in a random store robbery in NYC and died.
The Secret Service agent died, I mean, not the little brother. Or…Charlie. Or whatever.
I got a new cube!
I fucking love this cube. I got it at a 99-cent store. It’s…creepy.
These pictures are after having solved it already – when it was new, all of the pictures all pointed in the same direction. It is maybe something half-interesting to see that they still all do, except for the very center squares along one axis? This says…something? About the way the thing works? I am…learning…geometry? Or something?
I’m kind of afraid to use this cube very often, though. It feels sort of delicate (read: cheap), and like it’s about to fall apart. This is my SHOW CUBE, you guyz.
I made soup!
It was soup.*
I watched White House Down.
It was HILARIOUS and also I think it probably said very interesting things, like, sociologically, about how the American public feels about their president and their White House these days? Or…like, THINGS. It says THINGS about things. You know. Sociologically. Anyway, I liked it. Martin Sheen wasn’t in it, though, which was frankly pretty confusing. It confuses me when Martin Sheen isn’t the president in ANYTHING these days, including in America’s current real-life government.
Christian Slater works there now, too!
Donna’s trying to do him. Oh, Donna!! And Josh is doing a very pretty feminist and I thought Sam was going to start doing Danica McKellar, but I guess she moved to DC, so maybe not and Peggy is dating some French royalty dude and making out with him in front of Charlie and I don’t support this at all!!! Get it together, Peggy!!
I perfected my tequila gimlet.
* Two shots tequila
* One shot Rose’s Lime Juice
* One shot fresh lime juice
* Thirty-two spoonfuls simple syrup
* Seventeen more spoonfuls simple syrup
* Add simple syrup to taste
I got a new driver’s license!
Or…I went to the Brooklyn DMV and got a temporary license, anyway. It was not as bad as you’d think. That’s my quote for Zaggat: “This ‘vast factory-like room in a mall’ ‘smells a little bit like a suburban rec room’ but the ‘roving crowds of wild-eyed, frantically flirting teenagers testing for their learner’s permits’ are ‘shockingly decent human beings’ and on whole, the experience is ‘not as bad as you’d think.’” But so anyway, apparently New York has some kind of new ID coming out that’s like laser-etched onto the kind of material CDs are made out of or something. I specifically waited a super-long time to renew so that I could get one of these new ones. Did you know that you can renew in New York without having to take a test up to two years after your license expires? Did you further know that it costs EIGHTY FUCKING DOLLARS to get a new license??? THAT’S A LOT! Is it that much elsewhere??
I knitted a hat.
It could not possibly be more twee if I added a Hello Kitty sticker and glitter text.
Oh wait no it could.
I went to a different library than usual to hang out and write stuff.
It was ALSO full of roving bands of sweaty, hormone-slicked, iphone-scrolling, Pokemon-playing, non-inside-voice-having teenagers. But it sure was closer to the subway stop than the library I usually go to.
I got another story accepted!
Speaking of writing stuff.
Sam Seaborn is off in California accidentally running for Congress, or something?
Also, Chris Traeger is officially supposed to be some kind of reference to Sam Seaborn, right? Like at least some of the time? That perky straight-necked bird-like optimistic alertness thing he does?
* That was comedic self-deprecation. It was actually some pretty bomb-ass soup.