Oh, hai. Remember Digby? She’s the fat good one, with the fatness? She’s hilarious and super photogenic? Her eyes are big stupid cashmere teddy bears stuffed with starlight? She’s, like, more my MUSE than Erwin is (though he’s the one who always comes and hangs out with me in the bathroom while I pee, so please don’t take this as favoritism or anything; they’re both special little guys in their own way). Anyway: Digby. You remember her.
Well that cunt has motherfucking HYPERTHYROIDISM. And you know what? Being the kind of person who says things like: “Ahh, sorry, I really have to hurry home. I have to give my cat a pill once every twelve goddamn hours,” is, you know, not great. But the thing that’s worse? That thing is how it’s taken like four months (So far! And NOT DONE YET!) to try to figure out the correct dosage for her of these stupid pills, and how the once-monthly blood tests that she has to get to check on this dosage cost A HUNDRED AND FIFTY GODDAMN DOLLARS EACH, and how that also doesn’t include the charge for that one day when she puked 30 times during the day and you thought she was dying so you scheduled an emergency Sunday appointment and it cost you a TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS for the vet to say: “Well, she doesn’t have anything stuck under her tongue. Do you have any lilies in the house? She’s probably okay, but WHY DON’T I GO AHEAD AND GIVE HER ANOTHER FUCKING BLOOD TEST JUST TO CHECK, GODDAMNIT.”*
I have spent more on Digby’s medical care in the past four months than I have on my own medical care in the past four years. (Thanks, Obama!!!)**
Anyway, remember Digby? SHE FUCKING SUCKS SOMETIMES. But she’s also still running one of the best book clubs in Brooklyn, tho.
The Complete Stories of Truman Capote
Ughghgghghhh MAN, Digby would like to discuss these with someone!! Because she thinks they were GREAT, frankly! But she also thinks that for the most part, they were really really really skillful copies of things that Capote knew were also popular at the time? Oh, man, she thinks maybe this book is actually worth its whole own separate blog post, really. Because, like…this book is the very epitome of unrealized potential. This motherfucker wrote ONE SINGLE BOOK which Digby thinks was an original idea and not just a fame- and/or money-grabbing ploy, and that is certainly her FAVORITE of his books, and man, she sure does wish he’d written MORE things that weren’t just him trying to sell, like, Carson McCullers stories or J. D. Salinger or…I don’t even know…someone else? Blag. I am bad at making this argument. (I mean DIGBY is.) But…they all sound like…someone else?
Anyway, Digby liked this book a lot and she would like to talk to you about it if you have also read it K THNX.
The Color Master, Aimee Bender
Okay, Digby didn’t actually read this one yet. She let someone else read it immediately after she checked it out. But people she trusts have recommended it to her and she likes Karen Russell and Kelly Link and apparently it’s, um…well I mean it appears to be pretty huggable? So, uh.
TOO MANY BOOKS TO SIT ON!!! Also these should be their own separate post, too, actually. I recently bought three different collections chosen/edited by (“by?” I would LOVE to know how involved Alfred Hitchcock actually was in these) Alfred Hitchcock, and it turns out I (Digby) fucking LOVE THEM. Omg they’re so fucking good for reasons I won’t bother with right now but it’s INTERESTING and it’s NEW [to me] and it’s I don’t know whatever but also Digby is so fat that I didn’t even realize she was sitting on TWO OF THEM AT ONCE for like the first 8 or 10 photos I took so.
Maaaan. Look how annoyed she is when I bother her during her book club time to try to photograph her. Poor Banana.
PS – Yes fine sometimes I will set a trap and it doesn’t work I DON’T CARE YOU GUYS I ADMIT IT. (Also, this dude teaches at the school where I just got accepted to start taking classes and I’m trying to decide between his class and two other prof’s classes next semester. Is this my answer??? Is Digby my Magic 8 Ball???) (Okay, no, she’s not, but also, if there’s space available and I can get in, I am technically leaning toward a different class, anyway. But I liked this book very much! So, you know, thanks and good job to the author who I am too scared to name-check, because I don’t want him to ever find me if I am his student, and I know how many people read my blog closely for these sorts of things, especially publishers and academics and things so you know.)
(You can see her pill bottle there on the shelf!)
PPS Hyperthyroidism in cats causes peeing in places like your broom’s upright dustpan; on the recycling bag full of old newspapers and cardboard that you had out in the living room because you were cleaning; and on both of my pairs of New Best Jeans That Make My Butt Look Actually Pretty Fucking Good, Thanks. So…in other words: my recent Target purchases have told a kind of saaaaaaaad story of late. Being single is full of peril. You might totally choke to death one night on bread when Chris is out, or you might look sort of silly maybe in front of a 19 year old check-out person at Target. LIFE IS HARD.
* “Also, I notice she hasn’t been updated on her rabies shots in a while. Do you just want to go ahead and do that now, too?”
** Not sarcastic, though.