clown pants

or:

The Very Ugly Fabric (Which Never Became a Swan)

I bought this fabric a million years ago, back when I thought a-line skirts from upholstery fabric were the height of awesome. (Incidentally? MAYBE I STILL DO!!!

Yeah, that’s right. That’s exactly what I’m saying: that the a-line skirts I sew out of upholstery fabric straight-up look exactly like that.)

Anyway. Back a million years ago, when all I could make was crappy gored a-lines, I made this thing. I actually didn’t hate it when I made it. But I could never find anything to wear with it. No reds that matched, no whites that looked right, no random other mismatched colors that didn’t look awful. So I never wore it. Then, of course, I began to realize that it was also hideous. So I really never wore it.

Many years passed! Seasons came and went! A couple more yards of this awful fabric beckoned, its giant dots merrily shrieking lies into my ear! “Look how cute I am! I bet you should put me on your body!” it said.

I made another skirt.

I have learned just enough in the intervening years in order to make this skirt bigger, puffier, dumpier, uglier, layered-er, lumpier. Yesssss.

DEAR CLOWN FABRIC I HATE YOU.

Incidentally, you know how I can’t find a shirt that matches? But I’ve got so many fantastically-matching pairs of shoes that I couldn’t take photos of them all. These two, some patent reds with cork heels, some bright-white open-toed patent wedges. I’m SET on shoes. I just need more skirts to wear them with.

I…do still have about a skirt’s worth left of the fabric.

Sigh.