look, i took these photos, i have to post them

Okay, I promise, this is the last post about Pretty Clothes until I get my awesome new pattern sewn up, okay? But I have a few random things that are sort of vaguely related and I want to babble about them, so there.

So, in the past year or two, I’ve kind of gotten into the whole designer thing? I blame, mostly, two friends – one of whom introduced me to the fact that SAKS HAS A CLEARANCE SECTION and the other who convinced me I could totally probably sew that Lanvin dress (and let me try on her Louboutins). Getting more into sewing was a big part of it, too, obv. And Tavi and Gaga didn’t help matters much – neither, frankly, did ceasing to work inside the Conde Nast building. So blah blah point is I am, at the age of 28, coming to the realization that you don’t have to wear a black tshirt and a cardigan every single day. (I own, I swear to god, this is not an exaggeration, at least seven identical black tshirts. I could wear one every single day of the week. Twelve if you count non-identical ones – one with a ruffle, one with a v-neck, one with an empire waist, one with long sleeves, etc.) I was looking at photos from – I don’t even remember what – the Grammys, I think? But it was this long, long, long list of photos of ladies in dresses. And they were all very expensive and very beautiful and SO FUCKING BORING. The only interesting ones were Gaga and Rhianna and whoever else decided to wear dinosaur-shaped shoulderpads and a bird strapped to their bellybutton and two coffee machines as a hat or whatever. I guess this goes back to the stroke of genius when I saw the McQueen alien-lizard show and I realized that I should be learning how to sew THAT, not pretty skirts for work. (Oh, that’s right, I forgot to mention – this whole post is really just a big excuse to post photos of the McQueen armadillo shoes again.

TAKE THAT!!!)

Speaking of – the armadillos, everyone says, will never actually go into production and be sold in real life. They’ll be museum pieces. But I love that their idea and flavor are already sort of coming to be in very small ways: mostly that curved claw heel. Check out the curved heel behind Tim Gunn on the Bluefly Macy’s Wall To Be Used Thoughfully by Tresemee:

Also the curved heel in this Christian Sirano show:

Though, interestingly, again, the trickle-down: check out the uber-boring version of those that made it into his Payless line:

Much smaller platform, less architectural jutting action going on, and no claw heel. Pfff. Also, the fabric looks super-cheap and they’re weirdly expensive. Sirano’s Payless line has been wildly ugly. Alice + Olivia do it okay. He could if he wanted to.

So speaking of Alice + Olivia for Payless, this is the only way I can actually come anywhere near close to affording any of this stuff: the “for Target” phenomenon. I have this REALLY excellent pair of nice, solid, quality (non-leather) boots that are Mizrahi for Target. And I have this AWESOME good, thick cotton, fully-lined, well-detailed, well-constructed, well-designed dress that’s also Mizrahi for Target. It’s totally possible to make cute, quality stuff for these cheaper lines.

Rodarte, unfortunately, had no idea.

Damnit, 13 year old from whom I get 99% of my fashion advice, how could you have possibly failed me? THIS SHIT IS ASTOUNDINGLY UGLY, not to mention CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP.

I made Ian rent a car and drive me to Target the day after Christmas in order to try this shit on. I called Target ahead of time to make sure they still had some left. (The lady laughed at me.) I EVEN WORE MY TAVI HAIRBOW THAT I HAD SPECIALLY SEWN FOR THE OCCASION. (Cough-cough also: “Tavi bow” is probably another trickle-down from “Gaga bow,” right?)

And that’s what I get for it. Cheap-ass ill-fitting rough plastic ahem “tulle.”

This jacket was so thin and so cheap – there was no styling, no detail at all. (Nice black tshirt, though.) It was three rectangles of gross-to-the-touch carpeting samples sewn together. In fact – maybe this should be my new challenge. To do this horrible jacket better than they did, because it will be so. Easy. To do.

This stitching was huge and ugly and obvious, the fabric was either thin and cheap or rough and cheap, the design work was vaguely Hot Topic-level.

Also, there was this shirt:

Ooof. Maybe someone ELSE can make this shit work.

OH RIGHT NO ONE CAN BECAUSE IT’S HIDEOUS.

Sigh.

Fine.

One person can.

PS: