I thought of a really great way to pick up girls. Or, like, way to be a wingman to help your friend pick up girls.
So, the two of you are…like, wherever, somewhere. It doesn’t matter; this will work anywhere. You say to a girl: “DAMN, GIRL, WASH YOUR PUSSY. YOUR PUSSY STINKS.” Then your friend says: “I think it smells nice.”
Boom. That shit’s in the bag.
Today on the way home from work, I bought a bunch of what just HAD to have been stolen avocados from a bunch of guys on the corner near my house. (I keep wanting to call them “hot” avocados, because how badass is it to buy hot merchandise from some dudes on the corner, right?? But I didn’t want you to think they were just, you know, hot. I’m a writer. Literary precision is important.) They were 2 for $1!!! And all I had was a 20 and they couldn’t break it, so I was like, shoot, I’ll go home and get a dollar and be right back. And they told me to take the avocados with me instead of leaving them, so I did, and when I came back with the dollar (instead of just stealing the avocados), they gave me a third one for free! (Granted, they’re the way-less-good giant ones, not haas, but still.) They said: “These are good. You can put them on your hair, put them on your salad, put them anywhere!” And they were right. One of the guys, I’m almost positive, was wearing a priest’s cassock. Or, maybe not a “cassock.” What’s a cassock? Oh. Yeah, no. But like a black button-down shirt and a white priest’s collar.
Anyway, New York, you’re the best.
Heh. I just did two of those “NYC is the best!” posts in a row. I didn’t even realize I was doing that. HRMMM.
Tags: new york city