A Blog is a Treat

I fucking hate haircuts. Hate hate hatey-hate-hate. I get about one every two years and I’ve never gotten it done by the same person twice. I got one done today by a guy who looked like Chris March, which seemed like a good sign? But it was not.

Here is what I told Chris March I wanted that he decided to ignore:

ME:
“Hi, Chris March. I would like a graduated bob, in the middle of the neck at back but angled as much as possible to keep it as long as possible in front, with long layers but not obviously visible or choppy, a little messy and easy but not a Rachel or a shag, and my hair is straight but it will curl around whatever it hits, so don’t end any layers just underneath my glasses or my shoulders, and maybe – and I’m very nervous about the following, so it would be great if we could sit here and discuss it for like 20 minutes first, bringing in factors such as the shape of my face and the styles of my glasses and my place of employment and my physical activity level during the sweaty summer months and the alignment of Mars and my birth order and what do YOU think??? – but maybe, maybe a few uneven very long face-framing layers, i.e. fake bangs, but I’m afraid to use the word ‘bangs’ because this is all very nerve-wracking for me, Chris. But now that I’ve told you all of this I’m not going to say anything else and I leave it in your capable hands and if you can make this more interesting and slightly, you know, punky or cool or whatever, hey, suprise me, I trust you.”

CHRIS MARCH:
“So no angle?”

ME:
“No, yes, an angle – as much of an angle as you can get without going above like here in the back.”

CHRIS MARCH:
(sincerely, I swear) “Do you want cocker spaniel ears on the sides?”

ME:
“Okay, you know what? actually, sorry, nevermind, I just remembered I have an appointment that I have to be at right now, but thanks anyway, I’m just going to go home now and not get a haircut for another two years, you’ve been great, though, thanks anyway.”

And here are the photos that I showed to Chris March, along with my comments on each photo, that Chris March decided to ignore:

So, after ignoring those statements and photos, Chris March gave me this haircut:

Also, this happened on the walk home from the salon. I blame Chris for that, too.

It was a little more impressive-looking when I just happened to look down at notice it all the sudden in the middle of the sidewalk, halfway home. It looked like this:

I was all excited to get home and take a picture of it so I could put it on my blog. I live an interesting life.

Aw, I’m being kind of mean. It wasn’t that awful. Just not quite what I had requested. Grumble.

Ugh, god, edit: This is unintelligible. It was late and I thought this was all very profound. Sorry?

Have you guys been watching Louie? Because, fuck, dude. This show is so fucking smart. There was this mind-boggling segment recently where Louis CK and his buddies discussed the merits of using the word “fag” or “gay” or “faggot” in their stand-up routines, and were roundly schooled by one particular gay comic who informed them what “faggot” meant, and then called him a fag, and it was all really really really spectacular – intelligent and meaningful and smart and poignant. Great.

Anyway. Great show.

Tonight, there was a show about…christ…I don’t know what-about. About giving people what they ask for, and whether or not you’re willing to do it? Or something? Anyway, late in the episode, a sheriff who had helped Louis asked him for a kiss. This happened:

I remarked to Ian that it reminded me of Gaga’s lesbian jail kiss, which, sigh, I can’t seem to find an actual clip of, but it’s right around 1:50-2:10.

Because Gaga had done this as a statement against the male gaze, and that ladies kissing ladies could happen on their own terms, with short hair and biceps and real boobs and blah blah, or at least that’s what I’m going to go ahead and credit her with, because, eff it.

Louis seems to be making a similar statement. Louis’s not grossed out by the dude-kissin’, obv. And he seems, furthermore, to be making a statement that gay male desire is about more than just hot young tan tight twinks or whatever. It’s about old working dudes who want to kiss dudes, and that’s just sort of what they want to do, and it’s not a whole big THING, it’s just sort of what happens. Oh hey look there’s a guy who’s cool I want to kiss him, is all. This is not played for laughs, as it is not funny.

I think somehow this started out as a fight between Ian and me and we originally disagreed about something, but then somehow really furiously came around to realizing that we had, from the very beginning, agreed on everything.

Anyway. Kissing is awesome.