ian is adorable

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So I’ve been a terrible blogger lately. Ian is apparently very distracting. I was uploading photos last night and realized that I’ve been lazy about that, too – I hadn’t uploaded photos since just a few days after he came home. How do I know this? Because my first photo on the camera was this:

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Okay. I know that doesn’t LOOK that great, maybe. But do you know what that is? That’s sausage cooking in heavy cream. Yeah. That happens.

You know how people always say that you should cook more meals by yourself, at home, and eat out less? Because when you do, you just sort of accidentally end up eating healthier? Well – Ian counts as a restaurant. When I cooked for myself, I ended up accidentally eating healthier just because I don’t know how to make stuff like this.

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Linguine with sausage in a cream gravy sauce. With cheese on top. In case you need that. But there’s green onions in it! That’s a vegetable! That makes it okay.

Then we had egg pie for breakfast.

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(Egg pie = quiche, but it’s funner to say “egg pie.”) That’s more heavy cream, in addition to the eggs, cheese, lard in the crust, etc.

I don’t know if this post is jealousy-inducing or not.

I do know that it’s making me want some egg pie real bad.

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I was at the grocery store today with my boyfriend. I was standing in the baking goods aisle, looking for cream of tartar. He walked up to me and asked, “What are you looking for?”

“Cream of tartar,” I answered.

“Maybe it’s over in the baking goods section. I mean, cream of tartar is an acidic powder extracted from the sides of wine-aging casks.”

Sigh.

Talked to Ian tonight! He says:

Mister: I met somepeople my age in my subject and we have beenhangingout
this is what conferences are about, really, i suspect
not the beingbored duringuseless talks
but rather meeting the other 20somethings and going drinking
which i did
its amusing to me howmuch other people are lightweights
three beers and you slur yourspeech_
bitch, puh-lease
heh
i am an elitist
I canhear radiohead playing faintly somewhere far away
Sent at 7:13 PM on Tuesday

*sniff! sniff!* So poetic! Don’t you miss him, too???

Incidentally, he added, later:

Mister: yesyesmy keyboardsucks
Mister: tell twelveyearold itlain turistastostop spillingcoconutnectaronthe keyboard

Anyway, there’s your Ian-Is-Adorable for tonight.

And speaking of people who are adorable, don’t you encourage me, MBG! You have no idea what the faintest whiff of interest does to a former English major. So, screw it, but, here’s day 3 of What Did Jessica Have For Dinner??? Anyway, I grilled tonight (meant to do it yesterday – Memorial Day! – but got lazy or something?), so I want to show it off. Porterhouse (meant to get a fillet mignon, both for smallness and for fanciness, but couldn’t find one, so instead I bought this thing:

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which was roughly the size of my torso but nearly twice as delicious), black metal asparagus (accidentally – burned it all to heck), and grilled peaches with basil and honey and bleu cheese (Except, um…I was out of honey, so I used raw agave, and I was out of bleu cheese, so I used goat cheese. It wasn’t quite as good, but I still ate the shit out of it. I really can’t recommend peaches this way highly enough.).

I’m not a good enough photographer for this to count as “food porn,” but I am also not nearly modest enough to say that it doesn’t look fucking awesome, all the same.

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Also, I managed to lock myself out of the house not once, but – and I swear to you this is not sarcasm – four fucking times during the making of this dinner. Somehow, astonishingly, I remembered to bring my keys with me not only the first time, but each time. But dude, I had an about-to-be-slightly-less-rare steak on the grill – I would have eaten that shit outside with my bare fingers and then worried about tearing open a window screen later.

Not to say mean things about Ian while he doesn’t have internet access or anything, but you know what? Sometimes? Eating your dinner in a novel location (I ate in our library, on a recently and unusually cleaned desk), very very slowly, with a book, all alone, is kind of fucking brilliant.

Erwin wanted some REAL BAD. He liked the goat cheese even more than the steak, though, in the end.

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It wasn’t anywhere near as rare as I had intended it to be (I really had been aiming for like uncooked in the middle; I’ve been craving it for ages), but it was still pretty great.

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I…may have licked the plate.

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This totally counts as a food blog.

EDIT: I swear, I didn’t know that this was sitting on my counter when I cooked that last night!

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It was wrapped in plastic with an ad for, like, Lucky or something covering the front picture. (If I HAD known, I totally would have tried the grilled avocado they recommend in there. YARG, that sounds fucking great.)

Ian just this second left for Gaeta. (Google it. It’s ugly. His hotel is poor.)

Too bad he just barely missed…

STEVE!

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So, Steve, what’ve you been up to?

Aw, you know how it is in this new economics. I got laid off from the janitorial gig down at the girls’ school cause of cutbacks and also cause Tina went told the guidance counselor she thought she might be pregnant. Anyway, I been doin okay, though. You know, there’s this store downtown that’ll buy old CDs? Hey, you got any CDs?

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Hey – your boyfriend out of town?

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Yeah, anyway, it’s been a long haul. My Mustang got impounded just cause it was actually Tina’s dad’s Mustang and they said I stole it, even though she said I could borrow it, but you know how ladies get when they’re with child, you know. All emotional. I don’t need that trouble. Hey, you got a couch I could sleep on tonight?

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I am writing to you from beautiful downtown Box Office. I’ll add a photo when I get home. It’s a tiny dark little room with a computer and usually some fantastic musical-theatre-loving 20 year olds in my employ. But now I am all by my lonesome. I am working effing commencement crap on Ian’s last weekend in town, getting scornful looks for stealing wine and trying to run away. I am the sad. I am here now, waiting for intermission, so that I can open the door. That’s what I’m doing. That’s why I’m not eating Spanish rice and homemade tortillas and doing it. But this is good, too, right?

EDIT:

Photo!

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Also, ugh. This town is AWFUL on graduation weekend. I wasn’t here for it last year, but you can’t swing a dead cat on Thayer (that’s Providence-talk for “Mass Street”) without hitting someone’s grandpa. And I tell you what, I’m freakin’ tired of it. I very rudely elbowed some poor 8,000-year-old Indian lady today and I feel just terrible about it, but you know what? Get out of my way, old Indian lady! Stop being in my restaurants! Stop being impressed with this new-fangled “Ben and Jerry’s” that your stupid grandson is taking you to. Stop. Walking. So. Slowly. And speaking of restaurants – hey restaurants! Stop having stupid signs and discounts and stuff catering to parents of graduates! Stop encouraging them.

These chairs are NOT usually here! Where do they KEEP all these chairs???

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This is the price I must pay for the student-free summer, I guess.

Just in case you, like I, were wondering:

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(All hairdos courtesy of Trevor Moore, upon whom I seem to have developed a crush while looking for photos of his beautiful man-hair, though his show was funnier last season.)

I love how, sometimes, when you buy stuff on ebay drunkenly and then forget that you’ve done so, it arrives, and it’s like a surprise Christmas present to yourself!

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Drunken ebay shopping me got me Rosie Grier’s “Needlepoint for Men!” Thanks, drunken me! Check out this awesome pattern for a “covered brick.” This is apparently what men do when they needlepoint.

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Anyway, you’ll never guess who stopped by to spend the holidays with us, and borrow twenty dollars.

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Steve!!

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See, Steve’s cousin is going to start growing pot in his barn, and he’s gonna get Steve a real sweet job selling at the middle school, but Steve just needs a few bucks to get a new carburetor on his van so that he can get to Wichita by Thursday. Man, Steve’s old lady sure was upset about that whole thing with her brother’s doberman-pit mix, but that wasn’t Steve’s fault none. That dog wanted that bologna real bad! How was Steve supposed to know that that bologna had been laced with gunpowder as some sort of funny joke they were playing on the rats that had made a nest in their step-dad’s Impala? Anyway, Steve thinks you’re lookin’ real good there, you know? How old are you now, anyway? You’re almost all grown! Steve bets you have lots of boyfriends, huh? Hey, have you ever tried Smirnoff before? It’s pretty high-octane stuff. Listen, don’t tell your mom about this, now, huh?

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Oh, Steve, you’re incorrigible. Please get off my couch.

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dr. ian

Two super-exciting pieces of news! First and foremost! My herbs are tewtally growing!

Basil!

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Cilantro!

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Man, that shit’s nearly ready for harvesting!

Aaaaaand also I suppose my boyfriend is now officially a doctor.

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So, no, Jewish parents I never had: I have not yet married a doctor. But, eh…I’m getting closer.

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Become your dream, Dr. Ian. Become your dream.

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Jessica: Are you nervous [about your thesis defense next Monday, at which point you will either become a Doctor of Mathematics or else a destitute failure]?

Ian: Well, primarily, I don’t know what kind of cookies to make.

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Here is Ian watching Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties.

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