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you are welcome

November 3, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | No comments

In case you are interested, here is a list of thirteen interesting street, city, bridge, and river names between Providence, RI and New York, NY:

1. N. Stonington
2. Pawkatuck (interesting particularly because one must assume that Pawkatuck gets into gangfights with Pawtucket on a fairly regular basis)
3. Voluntown (Suggested town motto: “Volunteer for a stay in Voluntown!” You’re welcome, Voluntown.)
4. Noank
5. Groton
6. Niantic (The Terror at Niantic, by H. P. Lovecraft!)
7. Rocky Neck
8. Lordship
9. Connector (King of the Robots)
10. Cos Cob
11. Arch
12. Throgs Neck (Throgs Neck!)
13. Tillary

jc

August 20, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | No comments

Project Runway returns today!! Coincidentally, I also got this in the mail today:

It’s a catalog of instructional DVDs and stuff that was sent to our department. On the first page inside is this:

That’s Jeff Christ’s green dress from his final runway show!

Woot.

omg cnn

July 24, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | No comments

“The merchandise.”

I’m pretty sure this video could be about how, in RI, it’s legal for Mac trucks to rape 11 year olds and then sit on baby seals until they cry, and I would still side with the Mac trucks, just because cnn.com makes my skin crawl so effin bad. Cnn is like reverse psychology for me.

(Also, funny story about Cheaters coming up soon…)

this is what white people do!

June 7, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | 7 comments

Listen! I know! You’re worried! WHAT DID JESSICA HAVE FOR DINNER THIS WEEKEND?? Well, listen – I was weekending out in the wilds of Connecticut, where they have no internet access, so I was unable to report. But here’s my catch-up:

So a very good set of college friends, Ryan and Kelly, just this weekend moved to Connecticut! Woot! Yes, that’s right – Jessica finally has a friend, but only because one MOVED HERE. So anyway, I helped them move (read: “helped them eat at restaurants”).

We got in lateish on Saturday, so we went straight to the basically-great brewery that they have like two blocks away from their apartment. I had a BLT, because Ryan stole the awesome-looking other-sandwich that I was going to order away from me. Also, a side of what they called “garlic fries,” which were “normal fries,” with like six garlic cloves chopped up and sort of thrown on top. ASTOUNDINGLY GOOD. Admittedly kind of insane, but ASTOUNDINGLY GOOD. You can totally just see its insanity here in this picture:

We had had just enough beers at the brewery that on our walk home, stopping in at the weird little local dance-club-bar-hip-hop-karaoke-joint-steakhouse that dudes were standing out on the sidewalk shilling for seemed like a good idea. Inside, it was us, the bartender, and his girlfriend. I sound like I’m knocking it, but I swear I am not: this is the perfect situation in which a bored bartender trying to attract repeat customers will feed you weird Chambord-and-Jagger-laden shots that taste like watermelon and Dr Pepper all night, which, yes, happened.

And then he rapped. To us. It was awkward.

Pass out, wake up, next morning: suddenly a French-Canadian, her German husband, and two adorable and multi-lingual children are standing out on the sidewalk and shouting our names. I’m just saying: this happens in Connecticut; be prepared. We went to the local adorable Polish diner for breakfast. I had blintzes, though they might have been called by some other name. It was kind of fantastic. Then an Italian mathematician and his hot Portuguese (I think? I’m sticking with “Portuguese”) wife show up with their adorable multi-lingual child and we start moving. Children = surprisingly helpful.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t eaten in like two hours. So we went to the amazing taco joint that is also like one single block from their house. This is what Jessica looks like when she is waiting for tacos:

WARNING: Do not allow fingers to stray too near Jessica when she is waiting for tacos.

For dessert – Dairy Queen. A walk-up Dairy Queen (ehn). AND THE WALK-UP DQ IN THEIR TOWN HAS CRUNCHY SPRINKLES. Even more shocking? Not every single person in line was ordering them. WTF, Connecticut-ites??? You treasure those crunchy sprinkles. You treasure them.

We had a long walk around their new town. They live on Main Street, and it effing looks like it, too. It’s “old” in a different way than Providence is. Providence is spooky-Victorian-old, but their town is sort of hometowny-YWCA-Polish-diner-effing-Main-Street-old, you know?

Featuring, happily, some great graffiti. Suck it, Bob!

Actually, interestingly, also what appears to be a pretty great stickering/wheatpasting war:

I’m gonna go ahead and call it: monsters FTW!

And then it was naptime, and then it was hometime. Sunday night dinner in Providence: Julian’s, more beer, excellent pickles, all very good. I had a grilled-chicken-and-fennel sandwich on rye (with some kind of crazy (dill?) aoli or something. Unsurprising admission of the night? I would have been happy to just eat a soup bowl full of the aoli. I ain’t too proud.

Yay! Welcome to boring-ass New England, new old friends!!!

here are old things

June 6, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | No comments

Have I posted this picture before?

I don’t think so? But it’s super-old so I’m not sure. Still, it’s awesome, and deserves a second posting even if so. So there!

Also, this is old:

But adorable.

(This is in response to all of these things which litter the houses in my neighborhood:)

I just watched a show called “NYC Prep.” It was exactly like you think it is.

stephen’s last night in town

May 23, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | No comments

I am writing to you from beautiful downtown Box Office. I’ll add a photo when I get home. It’s a tiny dark little room with a computer and usually some fantastic musical-theatre-loving 20 year olds in my employ. But now I am all by my lonesome. I am working effing commencement crap on Ian’s last weekend in town, getting scornful looks for stealing wine and trying to run away. I am the sad. I am here now, waiting for intermission, so that I can open the door. That’s what I’m doing. That’s why I’m not eating Spanish rice and homemade tortillas and doing it. But this is good, too, right?

EDIT:

Photo!

Also, ugh. This town is AWFUL on graduation weekend. I wasn’t here for it last year, but you can’t swing a dead cat on Thayer (that’s Providence-talk for “Mass Street”) without hitting someone’s grandpa. And I tell you what, I’m freakin’ tired of it. I very rudely elbowed some poor 8,000-year-old Indian lady today and I feel just terrible about it, but you know what? Get out of my way, old Indian lady! Stop being in my restaurants! Stop being impressed with this new-fangled “Ben and Jerry’s” that your stupid grandson is taking you to. Stop. Walking. So. Slowly. And speaking of restaurants – hey restaurants! Stop having stupid signs and discounts and stuff catering to parents of graduates! Stop encouraging them.

These chairs are NOT usually here! Where do they KEEP all these chairs???

This is the price I must pay for the student-free summer, I guess.

bees

April 27, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | 4 comments

Attention Outside World:

Rhode Island is infested with humongous bees. They’re like giant black furry floating grapes, like the tips of severed thumbs. They’re HUGE, and like, dumbly bobbing. One was in my office today. Two fought or mated for a while around Ian’s head this past weekend. Why are they here? What do they want?

Love,

Jessica

deathwatch.com

April 23, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | No comments

This seems like a joke, doesn’t it? This whole thing reeks to me of Brendan Likely. It’s called “passing notice!” That’s weird, right?

more art!

March 15, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | No comments

punched

March 15, 2009 in Uncategorized by Jessica | 1 comment

To celebrate Pi Day (I guess?), yesterday Ian and I visited the world-famous RISD art museum! It wasn’t bad. There was a cool room full of softly bleeping light-up plastic bags and things hanging from the ceiling and spinning around and being futuristic and neat. There was a strangely large number of pretty dresses by people like Balenciaga and Valentino which were sort of weirdly just mixed into a room with, like, cool tea sets and Rothkos that they were claiming was a “design” exhibition, but, like, if you’re going to call Rothko a “design” piece, then, like, so is everything? And maybe that’s true, but…I dunno. I had issues. And the neatest thing in the whole museum was this piece done by a RISD faculty member that was this creepy sculpture-thing of a little boy scout wearing a scary mask and making snorting noises. It was excellent. It’s the first picture in this slideshow. And then there were a bunch of statues without any faces. I really really really dig the old statues with fucked up faces.

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