Cnn.com headline of the day:
Glenn Close: Incest, Vagina, Bipolar
Even on the less-wacky inside headline, they only add a couple extra words that still don’t make up for much. Oh, cnn. Stay classy, guys.
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Brought to you by cnn, where sometimes “convicted murderer” = “activist,” we now have “genital cutting” = “genital mutilation.” (Yes, yes, fine, fine, this is also what the AAP called it, but these people also wanted to, you know, allow it, so. The WHO, the UN, and Amnesty International all call it “mutilation.”) Anyway, actually, this is just my knee-jerk feminist rage getting me side-tracked. My real problem with this cnn article is actually the photo they chose to use to illustrate it, and my rage is less feminist and more journalistic:
I…see. Thank you, cnn. (Now suck my balls.)
OMG THIEFS! As pointed out by Sweet Johnny B: wtfcnn.com! I’m not sure how, but I’m pretty sure this makes me famous.
A glance at what cnn.com readers are learning this morning:
Is it just me, or is this ALL marketed toward that one woman you work with who talks about her kid’s constipation sometimes? Scary new science to scoff at, cute kids, “Mothers Fear Toxic Waste,” cute animals, one of those new “applications” we’ve been hearing so much about, and that place where that documentary about the poor kids beating the rich kids in that race was filmed.
Um, thank you, NYTimes?
Cnn.com headline: “WH official has out-of-wedlock baby.”
“Out-of-wedlock?” Who says that anymore? Also, it leads to the much less interesting inner headline: “Obama official confirms birth of child,” and the story itself points out that though he is not marred to this woman, and he is going to be marrying a different one, he and the mother were in a committed relationship when the baby was conceived. SHOCKING. Cnn, you stoopid.
Two new cnn articles that I’ll link to but haven’t actually bothered to read:’
“NASA: World Won’t End in 2012”
Imagine being the scientist who got the call to be the expert on THAT. Also, that’s filed in their “offbeat” section. I don’t know why I like that so much.
and:
“Collider Resumes ‘God Particle’ Hunt.”
Do you know how much cnn luuuuuuves using that phrase? A lot. And it makes every person working on the collider kind of grind their teeth and say, “Yes, but…”
PS – notice how I studiously avoided using specific scientists’ names, here? I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t want any furious scientists coming after me.
“Nobody saw what would come next.”
Christ, cnn.com, are you even pretending to be a real news source anymore? “But it must have been totally awesome, I bet, in a really bad way, I mean, of course. God bless us all. Nancy Grace speculates on how much blood was on the walls, tonight at 8!”
I bet Phrozen Body Boy is really fucking pumped about all this free publicity though, you know?
And “Jesus told me to do it.” Man, that stinky rascal’s kind of hilarious. I mean, he obviously doesn’t believe that, and probably isn’t even smart enough to be saying it to lay the groundwork for an insanity plea or anything – he’s just a little 15-year-old horrorcore rapper trying to stick it to Jesus. But now this tiny little Virginia city has brought in an “occult specialist” to reassure everyone that, no, that wasn’t Jesus, must have been Satan, and now suddenly every poor goth in that high school is EFFED. They’re going to be finding “hit lists” in their lockers for months. Poor bastards.
Actually, “Poor House Road” is a really great name for a street, too. Man, whoever writes the true crime novel about this is going to have a field day.
U.S. Racism “Everywhere,” says Dave Matthews
Thank you, Dave.
Not for nothing – I know this guy is an opinion writer and he’s from Princeton and he’s not really a part of cnn.com and whatever, but I’m just pointing out the first line of this:
“When Rep. Joe Wilson interrupted President Obama’s speech to a joint session of Congress by yelling “You lie!” a livid House Speaker Nancy Pelosi looked as if she was about to jump out of her seat and give her colleague a five-minute “time out” for misbehavior.”
If she really looked “livid,” why did she also look as though the punishment she was about to meet out was something so minor and “cute” – something a mother would do to her child? And would you ever have described Biden as about to send another man to time-out? Especially if you had first described him as “livid?”
I’m just sayin’.
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