super surprize prize

Aw, man, it’s been way too long since there was a Super Suprize Prize contest. They’re a good time.

And! The winner of The Great CNN Madlibs Contest of 2010 is…

OH! IT’S A TIE!!

Between Some Other Brian for opening so strong (and setting the stage for the rhyme scheme) with the Moose Consul, and Brian for mentioning Levi’s Johnston (and actually creating the rhyme scheme by, um, rhyming for the first time). Everybody knows I love a good dick joke, and though that bridge thing was pretty amazing, it can’t quite compare to this, which is not safe for work if you work in the kind of place where you’re not supposed to look at dudes grabbing their cocks in the shower, I guess. If you guys send me your addresses, I will send you SUPER SUPRIZE PRIZES!! My email address is my first initial and my last name at gmail, or if you don’t know my last name just ask Shena or Isley or whoever, I guess? Or you could find the Jessica on the theatre dept’s page on the website for the school I work at. It is kind of hard communicating this without wanting to tell the internetz my last name. (Like last week, one of the students showed me semi-nude-ish and poorly photoshopped pictures he had found of his trainer at the school’s gym. This is what putting your last name on the internet gets you, ISLEY.)

Speaking of things people get in the mail which are brilliant?

Oh god. So good. Erwin loves her so much!

Meredith sent me a Super Suprize box last week full of stinky buttons and dildo-shaped crocheted Gagas (which she got at a Regretsy event at Housing Works – good god, if she was holding a tiny little plastic bottle of Dogfish Head 60 Minute I could retire right now; the doll could write this blog for me)! Also this adorable book that I kind of want to tear up and make into something silly, but which is too cute. How great are those little notecards on the right-hand side? That doesn’t even quite make sense, does it? “Contents?” Why doesn’t it just say “Notes” or “Recipes” or “Ingredients” or something?

So instead, I waded into the slightly horrifying world of 1970s brand-sponsored dessert recipes, with their weird preponderances of shortening and sour milk (given recipe for sour milk: “use 1 tablespoon vinegar plus milk to equal 1 cup.” Now you know). I made the cake from the Devil’s Food recipe (shortening, but no sour milk), and was going to make the “Pink Peppermint Whipped Cream” from the Cocoa Medallion Cake, but bought the wrong kind of peppermints (the recipe is to smash up some peppermints and then let them dissolve into the cream before you whip it – perhaps it was for the best that I ended up able to only make regular whipped cream, after all). I died it pink, though, at least, which is half the battle.

Almost as tasty as they were AUDOHRABLE.

Got those plates at the Salvation Army. They come with little cups.

Anyway. Yay things! Yay Super Surprize things!!

Yayzers! Super Suprize Prizes hit the mail tomorrow (if um I remember to send them and am not busy doing something else during lunch, in which case they’ll go at some point during the week, I guess, hopefully)!

All prizes are very fancy schmancy hand-made works of Key West art. The one in the box is first prize, East Berlin. Oh, East Berlin, what wonders can’t you rustle up? Also notable: for winning the title of Most Depressing-Entries (if not Most-Depressing Entry), Colorado gets double the prizes! Also also of note: the losers get prizes for being the losingest!

Everyone is a winner! Except for the losers!

FYI I know the deadline has passed for the Depressing Postcard Contest, and I know you’re all anxiously awaiting the results, but I have agreed to extend the deadline for one slow-ass biddy whose card is still on its way. Soon, my friends! All will be revealed!

Postcards are starting to come in! And can I just say, and perhaps let this be the first time that this phrase has ever been uttered: Kansas is kickin’ it!!

And actually, I’m so excited about receiving postcards, that I’m going to go ahead and announce the game officially to anyone who I may have forgotten to send a card to/don’t know the address of: It’s the Depressing Postcard Contest!! Inspired by the sight of this postcard at my local bookstore, which I very sincerely believe must have been stocked ironically:

Send me your city’s most depressing postcard! Winner gets a prize! A Super Suprize One! (Leave a comment to get my address, or ask somebody or whatever.)

Woot!

Speaking of contests, if you haven’t wasted three hours here yet, go do so.

Confidential to postcard-receivers:

For realsies – there are 15 contestants in 11 cities, in 9 states, in two countries (and at least one district of Columbia!). The winner will be chosen and announced by Friday, the 24th of July, so send your responses in order to be received before then.

Wow! Lots of awesome responses to the meme contest! I guess people will enter my stupid little contests if they’re ever not about HSM. Well, fooled you, suckers, because I’m never having another non-HSM one again!

The winner isssss….

Willie! Whose comment on the post looked like spam, but whose album looks like a Daft Punk album that I was only cool enough to hear about like four years later, and even then I had only heard the single but I totally told Ian I was a fan because I wanted him to make out with me.

Er, that’s what you were going for, right?

Runner-up:

Chris! Who claims this is fey 90s indie-pop, but I’m pretty sure it’s fey 90s almost-grunge.

Chris can expect his Super Suprise Prize imminently! Willie cannot, for I do not have his address. Please send it to me NOW! My email is my first initial and last name at gmail, if you don’t have it. Isley can expect NOTHINK, for he has disappointed the family name. For shame, Isley. For shame.